new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
