R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
