Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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