dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
