you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
