Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
