We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Randomize
