there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It's never too late to be topless.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
