I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
