Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
