Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
