he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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