so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
