We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
