yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
