i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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