Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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