I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
