I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
