PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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