Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
