hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
