the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
