Christians are straight up FREAKS
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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