Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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