Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
