Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I think my vagina is haunted
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
