Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
