Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Randomize
