I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
