i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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