I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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