Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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