just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You are the jesus of drinking
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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