I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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