Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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