You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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