Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
