I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
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