she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
