Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
