Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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