I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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