I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
