My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
