She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
