How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
