we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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