i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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