i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
