I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Who died my cat blue again?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
