Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
