I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
