And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
