Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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