Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
