a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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