i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My ass is underappreciated
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
