I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I look better un-naked...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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