And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
