The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
