i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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